who am i?

This year has been a season of change in my life or if you’d rather think of it as a season of seasons. What I mean by that is since this past summer I have felt as if I’m in a perpetual state of 2 week to several month periods of time where God shifts my focus on a different area of what is outside of my comfort zone. For example this past week I haven’t felt as though I’ve been “fitting in” in other words when I’m around the many different groups of people in my life who’s inner dynamics range and span the spectrum of personalities it’s as if my ability, some instinctual some learned, to express only the parts of me that are fluidly accepted by that group is confused. Now you may be thinking that my word choices are extremely confusing, but follow me on this. Whether we know it or not we all to some degree or another only show those certain parts about us that we know as individuals will be willingly ingested by those with whom we surround ourselves. Alright alright you need an example? Ok let’s pretend you have graduated college and you are employeed with a full time position in your chosen career field. For the sake of this example I’ll use the manufacturing industry simply because that’s what I know. Now, who I am at work and the professionalism I do my best to implement in that environment is not generally who I am with my closest friends because I feel comfortable enough to relax and cut up with those people. Even within that quality time I spend with people I live with or go to church with I’m still not sure I am who they want me to be. That being said I don’t want to be a comformist and make myself into someone I’m not just to feel acceptance from anyone. I am who I am even if that is a bit confused some, or most, of the time. My point for this blog I suppose is that being yourself is tough and can be taxing at times.